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Okay… So first of all, Super Mario 3D Land came out for the 3DS this past weekend. I don’t have a 3DS or money right now, but if I did, I would be boppin’ Goombas right now.
But not so fast, America.
Did you know that if you buy this game, you are promoting cruelty to animals? Did you know that you are teaching your kids to torture, kill, and skin animals to wear? Did you know that if you play this game, you yourself will become an inhumane monster, capable of countless acts of violence towards our four legged friends with fur? Of course you didn’t and that’s just how those evil developers at Nintendo planned it.
You see, for years this company has used its flagship franchise Super Mario Bros., along with the titular mascot Mario, to promote many socially unacceptable, illegal and immoral acts. Children and gamers have for years participated in open hallucinogenic drug use. Whenever Mario ingests a ‘Mushroom,’ he grows in size and becomes Super Mario. Whenever Mario comes into contact with a ‘Starman,’ he becomes invulnerable to physical harm. These are clearly blatant brainwashing tools used to encourage children and gamers to use hallucinogenic mushrooms and LSD.
The premise in most Mario games is to save the oft helpless, yet buxom Princess Peach from the evil and brutish King Bowser, a giant Koopa (A turtle-like creature). Not only is this blatant sexism (Peach is painted as a helpless woman who can’t protect herself from a raping and marauding male antagonist), but it also subliminally promotes male domination. Sure you, through Mario, are tasked with saving the Princess from this villain, which is noble, but don’t be fooled; It is only so that Mario can have her to himself, and force himself upon her whenever he wishes!
Mario is also often accompanied by his brother, Luigi (A homosexual) with whom HE is clearly homosexual. This not only promotes the horrid and sinful act of sodomy and homosexual intercourse, but on top of that, it also promotes incest. All gay people are of course not real people, and homosexuality should be eliminated from the world. So please, I beg you… If you don’t want your children to fondle each others’ genitals, please do not buy games from the evil and fascist Nintendo.
The last issue I’ll talk about today (Although Nintendo is such a criminal organization, I could go on for many more entries) is Nintendo’s clear relationship and promotion of the global fur and animal trade. In many of Mario’s games he brutally tortures, kills, and skins various animals. He then WEARS the skins to assume the animals’ majestic powers. That’s right, your CHILDREN are doing this in a video game! Who knows how far off we are from a video game that allows your avatar to participate in the felony theft of automobiles, fight in a violent war, or even have sex with and beat hookers? I’m sure Nintendo will be the first company to put out a murder simulator like that, and it will most definitely star the ‘innocent’ Mario Bros.
Thank God. Thank God there are people in the world willing to stand up to this cruel and immoral company. The wonderful, caring, and humble freedom fighters at the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) have come forward and exposed Nintendo for the villains they are. When the game Super Mario 3D Land released this past weekend, PETA selflessly and immediately condemned it as Satan spawn. PETA correctly claims that the game promotes animal cruelty because Mario can skin a tanuki and wear his skin as a costume in order to fly. They even made their own flash game to counter it available on their web site. In their game, you play as a half-skinned tanuki, who doesn’t look creepy at all, chasing after the evil and rabid Mario in an effort to reclaim your bloody fur coat. The game is well made and set in a majestic land covered in blood, skinned tanukis, and fire. THIS is the game your children should be playing! It so more appropriately promotes family values and cognitive learning! PETA has rather selfishly ignored Nintendo’s atrocities in the past (Mario has been skinning and killing frogs, penguins, tanukis and bees and making flesh suits out of them for nearly 20 years), but with this cleverly made and whimsical game they have righted that wrong.
Clearly PETA really do care about animal rights, and have never taken to terrorism or media publicity stunts to bring attention to themselves or their causes. And in this latest statement they have made against Nintendo, they are clearly fighting the good fight.
Do not support Nintendo or their games. They are a terrible, evil company. If you let their games and consoles into your homes, you have committed an unforgivable crime against humanity and will probably become a homosexual, raping, drug addict committed only to stealing cars and killing animals to wear their skins to gain magical powers.
This game is in no way inapproprtiately morbid or infringing on any company's registered coopyrights
